Letters to the world

Dear little mouse in my kitchen,
You are so little and cute, but I'm sorry, you are vermin and your little poopies carry Hantavirus and therefore, you must die sooner than God intended. Please know that I will feel a considerable amount of guilt when I hear the click of the trap. No hard feelings.
Your Host,
Jess

Dear radio station,
I don't know who or what you are, but you are the only station with perfect music-to-talk-to-commercial ratio at the wee hours of the morning when I have to wake up for work. That being said, could you please play something other than Green Day and Red Hot Chili Peppers every morning at 6:30am? Thanks.

-Not Currently Starving, But a Little Cranky
(this artist is not 'morning people')