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Showing posts with label drunk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label drunk. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The Joys of Apartment-Living...

I recently read a blog about what may be one of the worst and funniest landlord sagas I've ever heard. It got me thinking that my apartment life horror stories haven't been so bad in comparison, but put all-together, I can weave an epic tale of terrible apartment/landlord/roommate luck.

I think I'll chronicle my ridiculous experiences living "on my own" (i.e. away from the parental units).


I think my mom prepared me for living on my own as best she could. I know how to cook (I just don't like to), I know how to do laundry/iron (skills I have improved upon thanks to required wardrobe crew assignments in college), I know how to balance a checkbook (although this skill would very soon become obsolete with online/mobile phone banking), and I know how to clean up after myself (again, not something I like to do). That being said, preparing for doing things on your own is a whole different ball game than actually figuring life out on your own.







My First Time Living Away From Home:




The Dorm

I studied Theatre Arts at the University of Northern Colorado (the other UNC) in Greeley, affectionately (or not)known as "G-Town". It's about 90 minutes (driving while mostly obeying designated speed limit signs) northwest of Denver. The "Powers That Be" in the housing department must have thought it would be hilarious to put two freshman girls together who shared the same name and have them live across the hall from 2 guys named Bryan/Brian. Lazy-ass bastards. (In housing department's defense, we remained roommates for all four years of college and I was in her wedding, but still...lazy.) We lived on the 2nd floor of a T-shaped dorm building called Wiebking (web-king) Hall. It had 3 floors plus a basement where the laundry room, common room, kitchen, and the kids who must have pissed off someone lived. The 3rd floor was the all-girls floor aka "The Nunnery." The 2nd floor was generally where all of the performing arts majors lived. Our R.A was a very straightlaced, overbearing double business major whom we shall call Lindsey (mostly because that was her name). Lindsey sounds like the perfect resident advisor for a bunch of artsy kids who've just been given more freedom/less responsibility than any of them have ever had (or will probably ever have) in their lives, huh? Were we loud? Yes. Were we obnoxious? Definitely. Were we overdramatic? Der. Did she treat us like people? Nope. From day 1 she had a little power trip and expected us to all love her without trying to get to know any of us personally, you know...as people. And yet, she could never understand why none of us respected her. And as far as I could tell, she never "advised" us on much of anything...except what a bitch she could be.

Dorm life was an adjustment but nothing too alarming happened, except for the night the alcoholic kid down the hall got drunk and decided to take a shower at 2am only to pass out in the boys' shower in such a way that his ass blocked the drain and he flooded the second floor hallway. Yeah, he and his drunk drain-blocking-ass got expelled.
Or the time the dumbass bitchy girl down the (other) hall tried to hang a jacket on the sprinkler head (you know, the one that sprays nasty-ass flame-dousing liquid in the event of a fire or it being tampered with) and broke it and thousands of gallons of water flooded her room, 1/3 of the second floor, the 1st floor, and the basement. Yeah, her ass got sued.

Yup, just a typical college freshman year living in the dorm.






-Not Currently Starving, and Happy to Have a Roof Over Her Head

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

This is Halloween, this is Halloween...drunken blog.

Please note that I wrote this blog when I got home from my All Hallow's Eve gallivanting, but was too inebriated to figure out passwords and clicking the "New Post" button. So I discovered it today. Wow. I have not edited said blog in any way. Here is my train of thought for the evening.

Drunken Halloween blog 3-of-sort-of-3 1:11am (technically) 11-1-10


Horray! I thought of so many great AND AMAZING THINGS TO BLOG ABOUT TONIGHT WHILE I WAS SEMI-[ASSED OUT ON THE TRAIN RIDE HOME FROM Sky and Neil’s performance at Bar 9 ….but now I don’t realu remember them…..and I just realizedt at I wrote most of that last sentence in caps lock….my bad…

Jarrett id amazing an making me pasta since we couldn’t have taco bell, my favorite drunken food ever!!!! Stupid taco bell not delivering and not being in brookltny where I live!!!

I do know that the man on the F train tonight talked lik Sam Eagle from the Muppets and the tone of his voice cmbined wit the jerky motion of the train made me want to throw up. So, I discovered the greatest postion ever on the train is sitting with your head in your hands with your fingers in your ears, while the other fingers folding your ear lobrs over themse;ves so you can’t hear anything and then breating really deeply ina dna out just conv=centrating on the brewathing until you get to your stop and get the glorious peace of outside and the cold air. THAT, my friends id how you aifd puking on the train on Halloween.

Mind you, it doesn’t always wrokm. Especially if youre at a arty where you don’t know awaht idson in the :jungle hjuice” ut you drink it anyway and the you smoke a cigar ‘cause it soudnsa like a good idea ata the time,a nd then you bond with your friend’s obnoxious ass grielfriedn who you hate but eacause you’re drunk she seems super nice but deep down you still hate her and you pray she doesn’t remember this drunken bonding upon your next meeting, but she does and you hate your life because of it, and then you thrw up on the train plateform and have to hep tyour boyfriend move to a neq burroght the next day, and this is so epic, I forgot where I was foin with it, and now my pasts if ready so I;m gonna eat it and then pass out do I can get up at thwe ass-end of early tomorrow to go to work.


My point, and I do have one, is Happy Halloween!!
Hope everyone issafe!

And I lost my camera tonight…..BEFORE I started drinkinng!!! Fuck.

-Currently Starving for Pasta

Friday, October 29, 2010

Maybe I DO have ADHD...

Well,this is embarrassing...I started this blog forever ago thinking I would blog every other day or so to keep my writing and creative muscles nice and toned. (I also had similar aspirations about exercising and yoga after watching the winter olympics, wanting to get my six-pack back again, but we don't really want to discuss the utter failure that was that goal...but I digress, maybe save that for another day, another blog.)
Autumn is now in full swing with winter fast approaching. Have I blogged at all? Er...no. But seeing as how I lack any followers at this time, I suppose the point is moot. On the other hand, HAD I been blogging these last 7-ish months, maybe I would actually have a couple of followers at this point. Oh conjecture.....you fickle fickle bitch.

My point? So much has changed in 7 months, it's amazing, but also I recently discovered and started following another blog and its author has, in turn, inspired me to be more diligent about my blogging. So, prepare yourself, internets!!! This girl is committed to-well..."committed" is such a strong word...determined? No...well, this girl is gonna blog more. So there. Actually, this weekend being Halloween weekend and thus, many parties and debauchery will most likely ensue and therefore you can expect as many 3 YES, THREE drunken blogs. Are you ready for this?

-Not Currently Starving But-ooooo something shiny!